she reaches down seductively. I guide her hand to my zipper. she unzips my fanny pack by mistake. raviolis spill out everywhere
*throws coins at strippers really hard*
That is a massive man and a fearless dog!
"NO. DONT TOUCH THE HUMAN PUPPY."
if you hug me, you aren’t allowed to half ass it. i don’t want that awkward one arm bullshit. I want 100% squeezy, warm, cozy, i-fuckin-mean-it hugs and any less is an indication of WEAKNESS
I want to eat pizza all day but I also want to be skinny, do you see the problem
If I text you and you don’t respond, no matter how much I like you, I won’t text you a second time in fear of annoying you.
WAHT DO YOU MEAN H OT BOYS SHOWER NAKED